as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
