Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize