We're facebook friends in real life
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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