Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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