Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
