Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
