Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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