some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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