I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
