I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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