it was like getting a handjob from robocop
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
