dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
