totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
