he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
