is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
