This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He passed out mid-signature
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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