I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
