If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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