She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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