Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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