He asked to "fluff my boner.."
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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