If i come over, it means nothing
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
