I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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