I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
