I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
