Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
