I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
