i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
