Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
