I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
