dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
i out mim tonsoeep
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