nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
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