My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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