I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
