Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
