apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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