covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize