what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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