I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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