You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
