Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Im part way to drunk.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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