So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize