planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
