I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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