it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
