is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize