I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
