I CAN MOONWALK!
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
