my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
