Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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