Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I want a musical about memes.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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