Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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