I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
