put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
