I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
