You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
