I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
That accounts for only three of the penises
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Two words: blizzard sex
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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