I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
