Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
