but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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