I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
