he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Life is so much better after having sex.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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