I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
