Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
