what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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