remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
