____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
