it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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