My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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