I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
time to smoke my breakfast
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
