it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just had sex on a roof
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
