I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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