Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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