There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
