i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
